weight and resolution evaluations

I absolutely hate that everytime I go on vacation or go on a quick weekend getaway, I gain 3-5 pounds! Ahhh!!!

Anyway, I am so glad I found Mattie Roberts because she inspires me to be good on a daily basis.

Check her out:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nOIr9UiJGFU&feature=plcp

Mattie Roberts on a diet secret, Chia Fresca that I am planning on trying:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gLepu8Jq07E&feature=relmfu

She is freaking hilarious. She is really good and I can't stop watching all her videos.

Evaluation on my last post about all my resolutions?

Ok so I haven't been good. I stopped buying shoes, with the exception of a pair of all-purpose fall boots, but I bought a few more skincare stuff, but I have cut back on thrifting. Bought some clothes but only because it's fall and I had to update my wardrobe with just a few pieces. I'm trying really hard! Stopped eating frozen yogurt. Stopped sleeping in on weekends. So I am getting better!

Other updates: deleted my old facebook. Getting on track with school. Got two A's on my graded exercises in one of my classes...  Studying hard.

Next, I really have to start training for my marathon coming up in Dec. I must train this time so I don't get those nasty cramps.

some mid-year resolutions

So it's August and the year is about half over. I want to make some mid-year resolutions and stick to my guns for the rest of the year. Here is my list:


1. NO MORE BUYING SHOES. I recently moved to a new place and I counted all the pairs of shoes I have and it's about 60-70 pairs of shoes, not including flip flops and flats. I said I won't buy any more shoes and I just bought another pair yesterday. ENOUGH. I need to donate at least half of the ones I have and not buy any shoes until my favorite pairs have holes in them. I don't care what kind of shoe I see, or if I see something that will go "perfectly" with the next outfit I buy. Which brings me to the next resolution.

2. NO MORE BUYING CLOTHES. For the same reasons stated above. I don't have any more room in my closets and unless I do some serious donating of the clothes I have, or until I've worn all the clothes I've bought, no more.

3. NO MORE BUYING SKINCARE PRODUCTS. This one is going to be hard because I am currently obsessed with skincare stuff. I just recently discovered the Mattie Roberts Show and I am freakin obsessed with her and all of her skincare wisdom. But she is really sending me to the bank with all of her suggestions and I've been racking up all kinds of face creams, night creams, day creams, retinol, vitamin C and E serums, and lactic acid peels and I'm just going CRAZY! I need to stop. I need to stop until at least I run out of all the stuff I already have and except for facial wipes. I go through a lot of those. Ugh this is going to be the hardest.

4. NO MORE THRIFTING. Yea, as a matter of fact, no more buying myself anything. I have enough stuff. I do need a new coffee table but that's it. NO MORE. Ugh it's going to be so hard but seriously, I can wait until at least the holidays. I have to at least try for the next few months. It's the end of August. Let's try baby steps and say no more thrifiting (after today) for a month. We will re-evaluate the situation after a month. I gotta stay strong!!!!

4. NO MORE web-surfing for the first hour or two of my day. It's becoming a time-consuming hobby of mine and I'm just wasting time. I can spend that time reading the law, getting my day started, doing something, anything other than web surfing and thinking of things to google, etc. It's a guilty pleasure of mine that I have allowed myself to indulge in for long enough and it's time to cut it out.

6. No more frozen yogurt. This one isn't going to be as hard because I've already cut it out and haven't had any for a few weeks now. I still get the occasional sweet tooth craving but I've been good about cutting it out and I stopped buying frozen sweets for my freezer so that's a start.

7. No more sleeping in on weekends, no more trips (after seeing my grandma) and no more visits to see my parents at their place. All my weekends now must be dedicated to studying.

That's a start, we will see where I am at in about a month. Hopefully I don't get too depressed from depriving myself of all my guilty pleasures.

another trip around the sun.

It's been ages since I wrote in my blog, and most of you may know why. Too many crazy things have happened!

But today I felt the need to share something special with you all. Last night, on the eve of my birthday, I drove up to Shingle Springs to see my parents for a nice, quiet family dinner that my mom cooked for me. They presented me with a birthday card as they always do but this particular card was very special.

It read:

                                 

 

These words brought tears to my eyes and a smile to my lips. I just wanted to share this card with you all because it carries such a profound message on how to "make a beautiful life"...

This morning I started off my day right by waking up at 3:50 AM and hitting the gym at 4:30 for a 2 hour workout. I got to work by 6:30 and I'm having a great morning so far. I feel incredibly lucky and fortunate for all the wonderful blessings in my life, and I am grateful for being given another day, another chance at making a beautiful life. If you're reading this, thank you for being in my life and for making my life more beautiful.

summer school and stuff

Right at this very moment, I am on hold with the IRS. I was on hold for about 45 minutes before a live person got on. We talked for about 5 minutes and he was being very rude. He put me back on hold and I accidently hung up on him while I was switching from receiver to speakerphone, like an idiot. I could shoot myself. So I am back on hold and it's already been another 48 minutes.



Turns out my CPA not only botched my checking account and home address, but messed up on my employee identification number too. So my tax filing never even made it to the IRS. He botched everything important on my tax return form. Address, checking account number, employee identification number. Where the hell is a 94250 zip code? I called my mom to tell her that she needs to fire her CPA and she started to point out that it was partially my mistake too. My blood was boiling and it took all of me not to hang up on her. I told her this and she said, just hang up, we're done. Geez! I could scream right now. Even Obama would lose patience with this nonsense.



But I won't. As long as this gets sorted and I get my money, I'll be all good.

So far, I've been on a fast track again, so as soon as spring semester was done, I dove right into summer school the Monday immediately following my last final. It's been tough trying to read ahead for a class that meets every night of the week and we have 50-100 pages assigned each night with plenty of cases to brief. At least it's Criminal Procedure and we're studying the 4th, 5th, and 6th Amendment, which means that the cases we are reading are relevant to how the Constitution is interpreted. So it's more interesting than Contracts and Torts has ever been.




We are on the part about searches and seizures and warrants and reasonableness and probable cause. Pretty interesting stuff. We're already in our second week and the whole class is only three weeks long. So it will go by fast and then I get to start my next summer class which is another 4 weeks. And then I'll be free for a month, kinda.

It's been a really packed schedule for me lately, it hasn't slowed down one bit. I have all kinds of upcoming trips planned too. I feel bad because I just don't have time to catch up with everybody and I have to turn down a lot of invitations. I know that sounds bad, like I'm full of myself, but I'm really not. I'm just saying that I can't live a normal life partaking in normal things. But at least I am trying my best to be social and forcing myself to find the time to show my friends I love em.  I had to tell a guy, a friend that I don't consider that close, to text me in about three years. I had to do it, because he kept texting and I just didn't have time to respond because responding would require me to engage in longer textual conversations with him and I just don't have the time to do that with someone who isn't a family member or a closer friend. And, I have to say this: if you text me over and over and over and OVER again and I don't respond- can't you get the HINT? I mean, don't think I'm just playing hard to get when you've been texting me for weeks and weeks and I don't respond to you even once. Also, no response does not mean "please send me weird pictures of yourself." Yes, he sent me pictures of himself. Thankfully not naked ones. But it was just as lame. And it was more than once. I wouldn't ever respond. And he kept on texting. And sending pictures of his face trying to look all suave with fedora hats and straws in his mouth or some weird shit like that. Who does that??? Ugh I had to get that off my chest.

The month I have off in July, every single weekend is already booked and planned for. I am hoping to fit in a hike to Whitney with my brother either the first or last week of July, and we are going to New York City the third weekend.


In August, I'm going to see my gramma in Korea with my dad. In September I am taking Paul to see the Barnes Collection in Philadelphia.



This Barnes guy was this rich guy, who bought up all this art, even when it was controversial to do so, and wanted art students to have access to it. Eventually his philosophy evolved and he wanted everyone to see it and finally after decades, his art will now be open for public viewing exactly the way he had it arranged in his mysterious mansion home. We learned about it in a documentary we saw at Crest Theatre and told ourselves we will be sure to go see it when it opens. That was years ago. And now it is finally opening and we have plane tickets to go see the Barnes Collection!



This weekend, I will try fitting in a week's worth of reading and case briefing and head down to the city to check out the Carnaval Parade Sunday morning. In between all that, I have lunches and dinners planned with loved ones, and all of the errands and chores that need to be done. Go go go.



Despite the fact that my schedule barely allows me to breathe, I am anxiously anticipating the day my little Sara returns from France. She comes back on June 22! I miss her so much it hurts. Seeing her face and laughing with her would make me sooo happy. This is the last time I saw her, Christmas 2011.



This past weekend, despite the studies, I got to take a drive up to Lassen with Paul and see the solar eclipse from a mountainside. The drive was long, but I love road trips with Paul. He's one of the only people in the world I enjoy long drives with, and we listened to some good music while laughing and having a good time getting excited about the eclipse.



After checking out the eclipse, we drove up to the trailhead of Mount Lassen in hopes of hiking to the summit but discovered that the snow level was surprisingly high and I was in some short shorts and sandals. We didn't have the proper hiking equipment. Some people were in skiis and snow shoes. My phone died so I couldn't take pictures but here's a google search image of Lassen:




We will have to go back to do that hike some other day. It looked like a good hike though. I am determined to go back. The drive back was long and we got home at midnight, but it was so worth it. I realize I am missing out on so much fun because of school, and it makes me so sad. There's so much I want to do, but it is all being sacrificed for school. I think I may need to take next summer off so that I can somehow preserve my sanity.


Wow, I'm still on hold...

no longer a 1L

Yes, I am no longer a 1L. But the road getting here was tough.

This post was originally written a few weeks ago with a different title and it started like this:

"Oh my word, I still have this lingering cough and the dreaded killer migraines that come and go like the wind. It hurts so bad that I can't keep my eyes open and I am sensitive to sound. My back hurts all day long and I have a massage therapist that touches me like I am made of glass. Can someone please hook me up with a good rolfing session?


Last week, I visited the ER. It was an interesting experience..."

As you can see, I wasn't able to finish writing that entry. I wanted to dedicate an entry writing about my experience in the ER. But I got busy with finals, and today is not much different. I finished my first year of law school last Friday and today is my first night of summer session I! No time to recover whatsoever.

But let me finish where I left off with the illness that hasn't yet gone away completely. It lingers like a bad dream and I can't seem to shake it after all these weeks.

So a few weeks ago, I was feeling the pressure of finals and my body began communicating to me that it hates me. I woke up with a lump in my throat that hurt everytime I swallowed and it persisted after four days. The only other symptoms I was experiencing was a fever and chills. I had a sinking feeling it was strep throat. On the fifth day I made an appointment and went to the doctor. She confirmed it was strep and told me not to go to work because I'm contagious. So I had to take three days off. I've never taken more than one day off for being sick, ever in my life. So that pained me, to have to take real sick days off because I was really sick, and not be able to take advantage of it by studying more. And sadly, this was only a week before my first final. On my second day off from work, I lied down on my bed after a visit to the doctor's office and tried to take a nap. I was fighting a gripping headache all day and was hoping that sleep would help me out. After two hours of tossing and turning, it only got worse and sleep would not come. The pain from deep within my brain began to grow and throb and sweat poured from all over my body and drenched my clothes, my sheets. I clenched my teeth and began to stifle tears. It was awful. I stayed this way for another hour before I realized it was the type of killer migraine I had back in the day when I was really really sick, and I knew I needed help.



Finally, an ambulance had to be called. I was dying. The paramedics showed up and checked my blood pressure. It had shot up to 156 over 80. I am usually around 100-110 over 70 or 80. The weird thing is when I'm sick my blood pressure goes down. This was the first time it shot up. Paul showed up right then and offered to take me to the hospital. The paramedics said that it was ok for him to take me.

When I got to the ER, there was a long line. I had to sign in and sit in the waiting room for almost two hours before they called my name. That entire time, I was in so much pain, sweating profusely and crying from the throbbing pain from deep inside my skull, I began to vomit. Someone got me a bucket and I began puking nonstop into it in front of all those people. I didn't even care. I was a sick dog.


Finally they called my name and gave me a bed that was pushed up against the wall of a long busy corridor. I realized they had tons of people back there, more people than were waiting in the waiting room, and they were all sick as hell. I was lucky to even get a bed, even if it was just a bed in a hallway. Some were only given chairs and they were crying from the pain too. I started to feel bad. But not bad enough to give up my bed. I was dying too man.


The nurses who treated me were professional and kind. The first one tried to find my vein and began to stick an IV needle into it but couldn't do it very well. She said my veins are too small from dehydration. So she called another nurse to give it a try. They tried both my arms and finally succeeded in sticking the tube in my vein. I can't say I enjoyed that experience. I hate needles and I hate being poked. Seeing a tube being stuck into my vein is violent. I asked for morphine but they said they will start with a higher dose of motrin before they give me the hard stuff. I was disappointed. Ten years ago when I had a similar migraine attack they gave me morphine and it did wonders. This time, the half assed motrin they gave me wasn't relieving. My head was still throbbing as I felt the IV of motrin spreading through my veins. While I was lying there waiting for all of the IV to drain into my veins, I began looking around me and seeing all the sick people that were there and the nurses who were helping them. One of the nurses who helped me, she began chatting with me and I thanked her for treating me with such kindness. She said she gets mistreated by other patients all the time. She said she gets cursed at, spit on, yelled at- all the time. I saw a cop walk by, with his walkie talkie blaring voices. He had come in to question a victim and the victim's family. There was a rastafari looking man who was right next to me, seated on a chair, who kept howling from some kind of stomach pain. Paul brought me a muffin and I nibbled on it. My throat was dry. Paul and I both observed the room and commented quietly about how grim it looked all around us. Paul muttered, And they are spending how much for the arena? Look at this place. There are sick people here. And they've got hospital beds in hallways... And not everyone even gets a bed. I nodded.



After hours, I was finally released. I felt weak and barely conscious. I longed to be strong so I can get back to work and study again. I tried not to dwell on the fact that I was missing a Contracts review session that night. The doom of finals were hanging over my head. I was so mad at my body for failing me....

******

I had to go back two days later to get the morphine because my migraine never went away.

And somehow I managed to study my ass off and take a dozen practice tests for each class and took my finals, one by one, fighting my nasty cough and sudden migraine attacks that kept coming and going. Even now, as I sit here typing this, my head is woozy and my ears are plugged and I hear planes landing in my head. But I made it through.


The triumph I feel of finishing my first year is bittersweet. Someone asked me just earlier today if I enjoy law school. I couldn't give a hearty answer. I told him, it's too early to tell from just finishing one year. I feel like it was too tough for me to say that I liked it. And that is the truth. If I wasn't working full time, I think I would be enjoying it a lot more. But the brutality of juggling so much has disgusted me and it's hard to say that I like anything about law school. Especially because it keeps me from doing anything else, I have a bad taste in my mouth everytime I think about it. I wish I can sing it praises. But I just can't. I do admit though, it has taught me to think in a completely different way and I am given a whole new perspective on looking at a situation. Having a legal brain means we weigh the facts and try to determine how the law would apply. It's a skill and it's important to learn if you're going to be a lawyer. But it doesn't make you a better person or a more well-rounded person. It doesn't give you worldly views or philosophical pearls of wisdom- these things we still have to achieve on our own. And I can't help but feel like law school can get in the way of that sometimes. Learning the law is important if you want to fight the good fight in courtrooms and help people. But it does not build character. You have to seek character out on your own.


I went to the McGeorge graduation the day after my last final to gain some inspiration for the remaining years I have left to get through. Chief Justice Tani Cantil-Sakauye was the keynote speaker at the graduation and she had an important message to share with the graduates.



She illustrated the challenges that the state is facing and how much of the job force in the legal field is downsizing. She was honest in letting us know that it will be tough to find a job after law school. But she reminded us that the need for justice has grown, and more than ever, people need us. Having a mindset and the heart of a steward, if we remember that our purpose is to serve justice, there is plenty of work waiting for us, and she said when we are ready, her job shall be ours. It really spoke to my heart, her words. I hope that the graduates really heard what she had to say.
I wonder if enough people graduating from law school have the mindset of really wanting to help people. I feel that without the right attitude and altruistic intentions, this is a dangerous power to have. If we don't use our skills and our knowledge for the greater good, we can easily allow ourselves to abuse our power. It's not just about making money and having status in society. It's being able to advocate for important issues and fight the good fight on the people's behalf and make society a better place. As hard as this past year has been, time and time again I remind myself of why I am doing this. Justice Cantil-Sakauye's words gave me promise and hope that it will all be worth it in the end, because I will earn the power to truly help people  and obtain justice through the judicial system. I want to be a voice for people who need to be heard, and I want to dedicate my life to being a public servant.

This past year, especially the last six months was rough. I lost some friends, but I am reminded of how great my true friends are. Through the hard times, they stuck by me and encouraged me and it touched me beyond words. During the rough time, some people chose to turn away from me and it hurt. But it was revealed to me who my true friends are. And for these friends I have, for their big hearts full of love and kindness, I will cherish them and be grateful for them and love them the best I can.

This past weekend was a break but it was too short. I got to fit in a lot though. I made Mother's Day brunch for my family and we enjoyed each others' company.



I love my family so much. For better or for worse, we are there for each other, even though we don't always agree on everything. As I get older, I feel like I can't spend enough time with them, if I have any free time at all, I want to spend it with them. They mean everything to me. My dad and I have grown especially close. We've had our rough days too, we used to bump heads a LOT. But over time we realized we are so much alike and our battles fought have brought us closer together. I feel like my dad understands me better than anyone because we are alike in so many ways... And when I look at my mom, I can't keep from crying. She has overcome so much and yet she is the strongest, most positive person I have ever known in my entire life. She is the rock in our family and she keeps us together. I cannot do enough for her to make up for what she has done for my brother and me. And my brother is my best friend. Growing up, we laughed and cried together and went through so much together. And seeing how we've both grown up to be such strong-minded, determined individuals, he continues to impress me everyday as he keeps evolving and growing into a man. I know that any person on this earth would be lucky to have him as a friend, and I am grateful for the amazing bond that we share.



 For the brunch, I whipped up a fantastic meal of apple bacon egg scramble, spicy crabmeat dip served on a sourdough bread bowl, baked sweet potato fries with my bomb ass srirachi aioli sauce, stuffed salmon fillets, fluffy buttermilk pancakes, an assortment of fruits and nuts, and homemade mimosas made with champagne from Napa Valley and orange juice. It was delightful. I had spanish guitar music playing on my rustic record player and cooked while everyone enjoyed their mimosas and appetizers. It was heartwarming and festive. It was perfect.

I also got to fit in a short bike ride, a movie, and saw a choir perform. I also saw a good friend perform with his band at Shady Lady. I ate good food and got to sit outside my house and stare at the sky for 20 minutes, enjoying the sun on my skin and felt the breeze. That's about it, but it was something. It wasn't as glorious as I thought it would be, but I am glad to be done. No longer a 1L. It was a short lived happiness but it was happiness nonetheless.

Here's a picture of a bookmark that Paul got me for good luck on the night of my last final. That's me holding it up right before taking the last final.



***I hope to be able to get back to my blogging about Honduras and my crazy hike up Celaque. My travel stories are important to me because of the messages that it conveys about the importance of culture and a glimpse of the world outside of the U.S. I hope to be able to find the time to write about my last few days in Honduras. Traveling is important to me. I am bummed that I won't be able to go on any trips or hikes for another couple of months because of summer school, but I booked tickets to NYC- I'm taking my brother to New York for his first time ever! It will be in July after all my summer classes and it will be a blast. Paul and I are talking about a trip in January as well, and hopefully we can go see the Barnes Collection in Philadelphia sometime before then.
But first I must get through summer school. Now I have to head off to my first night of summer class: Criminal Procedure. And the journey continues...

hello summer!

[ Note: Nothing in this entry is profound- just random thoughts I felt like typing.]
Ok, so it's not quite summer yet, but it sure felt like it this past weekend. And I didn't know this about myself, but I realize my mood is considerably affected by the weather. Seeing the sun shining and feeling the warmth on my skin makes me so incredibly happy! And according to a Harvard study, happiness prevents heart attacks for Type A personalities like me:

http://www.sacbee.com/2012/04/17/4421352/happy-positive-outlook-may-be.html#storylink=omni_popular

I am excited for the new season!



So finals are just around the corner, and tonight is the last night of my final first year law school class: Contracts. My least favorite class of all. After tonight, all we have are three finals left and then I get two days of freedom before summer classes start. Whoo hoo!

In celebration of the new season, I started wearing my beloved stiletto sandals to work. Here is a pair I got from the Mission District last weekend- the ones I thought I'd never wear:

 

I am in love with these shoes.

To celebrate the warmth, we also had dinner at Lounge on 20 and had some street tacos, fries, and this dessert called pb and j- which is not a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, but something fancy and very delicious:



Another thing I'm excited about is that I've been able to run faster finally. I've been running a 9 minute per mile pace for years now, and I've finally gotten into the 8 minute per mile range. It feels good to know that all my years of running are helping me to run faster.

It's been 4 weeks since I chopped all my hair off and it was time to go in for a trim. This time, I wanted to make sure we go REALLY short. So I asked Laurel to shave my whole head. She paused and said, trust me, you don't want to do that. So I said, ok, do your thing.

So what she did was shave my head except the top, and left some hair for me to spike and style. When she was done, at first I was scared because I realized it really was incredibly short and I realized how much I look like a boy. Hair grows, I told myself, and my hair grows fast.

After a couple of days, I felt ok about it. My hair does grow fast, and it's kinda fun being a boy for a while. I always thought I'd be better at being a boy than a girl. And, if I were a boy, I suppose my boy name would be Eli.



I also discovered a great product that is cheap and does wonders for my hair when I am trying to style it. I highly recommend it to any guy or girl with short, spiky hair:


This stuff is the best. In the past month, I've experimented with all kinds of pomade, gel, texturizer, hair spray, etc to style my short hair. And for a couple of bucks, this stuff is the winner. A fun fact about this product is that it was created in the 1920's. The only drawback is that you have to wash your hands a couple of times after using it because it's extremely sticky but it works amazingly to shape and style your hair.

I got a call today from the body shop saying my car is finally ready for pick up!

Here's to short hair, warm weather, and not crashing my car anymore! And finals...

One more thing- so bummed that Metta World Peace went back to being Ron Artest. I was rooting for him big time.

last day of torts

Last night, we had our last night of torts. Surprisingly, I felt emotional about it.
We were invited by our professor, Larry Levine, to give our creative contributions as we ate pizza, chips, and brownies and drank from a buffet of beer, wine, and liquor. Only a handful of people offered their contributions with their homemade tort products and written poems (very sweet!), and a group provided us with a skit performance that was very funny and entertaining. But what hit my heart was our professor's speech at the end of it all. He told us,

"It is truly a gift to teach you all and see you grow. I know I told you all that you will come in here with minds full of mush, and that I will turn your mush into minds that can think like lawyers. But your minds were not full of mush... I appreciate your energy and your good humor. I know you're all under a lot of stress right now, but be proud of what you have accomplished."

Those are simple words, but it really hit me. I looked back at the year we've had together. I remember how we all began law school, not having a clue what we have gotten ourselves into, as bright, eager students, ready to learn the law. I remember not even knowing what a "tort" was or what a "holding" was. I remember how scared we all felt, terrified of being called on, scrambling in the wee hours of the morning and night, trying to decipher the cases to be ready to answer any questions we might be asked. I remember how it felt to be shot down, shamed and embarrassed that we didn't know the answer. I also remember the pride and glory when we were able to answer a question correctly.

Relying on endless cups of coffee, good graces of our significant others and our family members, we lugged our 50 pounds of law books around, hoping our laptops wouldn't fry before exam time, and tried to keep the laws straight in our minds, trying our best to keep them from overlapping with our other classes.

I hated life, loathed waking up in the morning, collapsed on my bed each night from exhaustion, almost died twice trying to get to school, totaled my car, chopped my hair off, broke up with my boyfriend, got demoted at work, deleted Facebook for weeks, and went into thousands of dollars into debt for this law school education, and I know I'm not alone in what I've experienced this past year. But as I heard Professor Levine tell us to be proud, I realized it was all worth it. Torts came and went, and we are one year down in our journey of earning this law degree.

I know that years later, I will look back on my torts class with fondness. Professor Levine taught us with a love of the law, love for teaching, a love for his students, and it showed throughout the year we had him. We were blessed to have him as a professor, to walk us through this terrifying experience, and I can honestly say I have never been more challenged in my entire life.

So with a heavy heart full of gratitude, we concluded our torts class with merry cheer, but I know that I will miss being in Levine's class dearly. This is what I wanted to say last night, during our hour of creative contributions.