rainy days

So... I know I haven't blogged in over a month. I was busy rolling around in the seventh circle of hell. Stories about Honduras will have to wait. But for the sake of never neglecting the untold stories, I will tell you what I wish to write about one day whenever the storm blows over:

-bus ride to Gracias
-Celaque hike
-bus ride to San Pedro Sula and last night in Honduras
-re-cap and reflections on why I travel to poor countries

These stories will come.

Right now, my mind is full of other things. The last two months have been a reminder of my distant former life, where I was sucked up into a tornado of darkness that held me in its grip for seven, long years.

But I overcame that, so I will overcome this.
It's just curious that everytime I enter into a new chapter in my life, I mark it with a string of misfortunes before it turns over to a new phase of my life. And literally, it's been raining all week. How literal can this be?



I got back from Honduras feeling rosy about life and someone t-boned me in an intersection and my life changed after that. It's not only because of the accident, but a string of other crazy things started happening and now my life will never go back to the way it was. I had a good long run.  I enjoyed five years of glory and everything went my way.

At least I'm a different person than when I was last hit with bad times. Even though I'm still the emotional and sensitive person I've always been and it's difficult for me to be a steady rock through rough times, I know that I have overcome worse things, so I will be ok. Plus, I know that I am surprisingly strong. And I have my family.

I don't really feel like talking about what kinds of things have been happening, either. They are all very personal things that I don't want the world to know. Unless you're a close friend, it's better I leave out all the details.

Here's a poem I found that I think is pretty depressing but it describes how I feel.

Rainy Days by Katica Vrhovac

Tomorrow
I’ll wake up before morning dew is gone
to the calmness of a dayspring
and to the glory of the first sun ray to appear
I’ll put my best outfit on, and
say my good mornings with a positive look,
tomorrow, not today.

Tomorrow I’ll smile at every living thing
and say the world is a wonderful place to live
wonderful place to love, and even to die
tomorrow, not today.

Today I’ll close my eyes
and slip into this misery of life
I’ll plug my ears not to hear a thing
just eerie hollowness around me
I’ll try not to inhale too deep
try to feel how is not to breathe.

But tomorrow,

tomorrow I’ll start
with a fresh breeze, and fresh views
new goals, and new hopes, once again
my dreams will be worth living for
and life will smell like a wild rose.

And if tomorrow rains again
I’ll know what to do
I’ll close my eyes not to see
plug my ears not to hear
shut my mouth not to breathe.