It happened unexpectedly. Sunday I went out to run the Presidio 10 in SF and set another PR (running 10 miles with an 8:59 minute mile pace) and then met up with my brother and my parents for my mom's birthday lunch. The sun was out and we were all smiling. After having delicious sushi and bopping around Japantown for the annual Cherry Blossom Festival eating street food and listening to live bands, a sudden thought popped in my head- life isn't so bad. It had been a while since I felt that way. I was pleasantly surprised when this thought continued to linger faintly on my mind.
Later that day, a live band did a cover of Michael Jackson's Billie Jean and my dad started dancing in public for the first time. I laughed and smiled and let the sun beam down on me. I felt gay and joyful.
After my parents left, I continued to shop around the Mission District and picked up a few used books at Dog Eared Books and a pair of beautiful tan-colored suede stiletto sandals from Buffalo Exchange that I'll probably never wear but will look good on my feet whenever I feel like trying them on. I also picked up a few antique items (a picture clip, a few buttons, a novelty matchbox) and a pretty new pipe for my herbal remedies. Is it just me? Or are all mannequin bodies really really hot? Damn these mannequins are banging.
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Although it was a Sunday, I refused to let the doom of Monday loom over my head to ruin my fun day in the city. And surprisingly, it worked. I chased away the misery with the power of my mind. I couldn't tell if it was retail therapy or just being in my hometown that caused me to feel happiness, but whatever it was, it worked. I hadn't felt that light in months.
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Monday came around and I went to work. It was peaceful and uneventful, and in my world, that is the best thing I can ask for. No drama, no craziness, just peace and quiet.
And then it was Tuesday. Yesterday. I had a cup of noodles for lunch because I'm trying to budget my money until the next payday and I felt like going out to get some air and work off the heaviness of the noodles. So I hopped on my bike and went for a little ride on my lunch at work. As I rode along the river, I again felt the sun beaming down on me and I realized that I am happy. I realized that this is who I am. Smiling and happy and full of gratitude- darkness is not me. I am the light. I am the sun. I am happy and this is who I really am. As I rode around the river and around town, I remembered my darker days in years past, and thought about all that I have overcome. I look at my life now and all the blessings I have, and the goals I have accomplished, and all the things that I still want to aspire towards. Sure, I may lose a few battles along the way. But the war is not lost. I will still keep on fighting and this fight is still not over yet. I am a winner because I am still alive. And as long as I keep living, I will keep winning. Funny how a mid-day bike ride made me think of all that finally. No matter- my turning point has finally come.
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