lessons to be learned

So blogging has become a once-a-month phenomenon. Every day is a struggle. But I haven't forgotten about my Honduras experience and all the things I wish to write about. Ok, maybe I have. It certainly isn't the first thing on my mind, I have to admit. If you've given up on reading about that by now, I understand.

I can officially say now that 2012 has been rough. Ok, maybe I should wait until December to declare this conclusion. But I can officially say that the first four months of 2012 has been the pits.



In the last four months, I have been struggling to understand what brought about this sudden turn in my life for the worse. I wonder if it's law school. I wonder if it's me losing the "goodness" within me. I wonder if I'm really just born with bad blood and by not going to church, I'm slowly reverting to my old, bad ways. I wonder if it really is because I turned away from the Lord. I wonder if it's karma.

I have a friend at work, a true friend, who has proposed different theories of why I am going through a rough patch right now. And out of all the things he's said, there is something that has stuck with me. He said, "Maybe what you're going through right now is teaching you that you can't control everything, and sometimes, bad things just happen. And you have to just let it be."

I keep remembering what he said. Out of all the other things I can think of, it is the most simple answer that makes the most sense. I cannot control everything. Sometimes bad things happen, and there is nothing I did or can do about it.

I've been in rough patches in my life before. And each time, I always put up a fight to resist it. In the end, I would have to accept it. I am reminded of that lesson once again. I have to accept that bad things just happen sometimes. There is no use in fighting it.

With that said, I am looking to the rest of this year and still trying to keep a positive outlook. I am one week away from finishing my first year of law school classes. I can't feel the joy yet since finals are looming ahead, but I know it will feel really good after my last final.

Although I've hated life for most of the first year, I know that I will look back on it with pride because I was able to survive through it...